Top 10 Funny Things To Say
Of All Time

My Top 10 Finest Insults and Comebacks.... I wish I never uttered 
Sometimes people push you so far that the road less traveled is done 200 m/h through your mouth with some human holding on for dear life. I am NOT proud …

Singing 
Some funny singing sayings: When I'm sad I sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problems. It doesn't matter what age I get, I am still …

Top 25 Funny Despression Quotes and Jokes 
Warning: If you or someone close to you are suffering from depression, don't read this, rather seek professional help. Before you diagnose yourself …

Short funny sayings 
I have a six pack…... OF OREO'S The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. My neighbors listen to great music... Whether …

The real truth about men 
Don't imagine you can change a man... unless he is in diapers. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. So what do you do when your boyfriend …

Sharp-sharp funnies 
Dedicated to my friend Annemie Louw and to the enjoyment her wit provides on Facebook. Here are some of the stuff she says (or read on internet:-) I …

Funny Credit Card Tips 
When I'm at a restaurant and tip with my credit card, I write down a negative amount so I get "Cash back". A man asked a fairy to make him desirable …

The truth about fear and stupidity 
Being stupid is fun until someone tells you how stupid you are. Then you start to fear people instead of stupidity. He: I can sense fear from a mile …

Funny break up sayings that work 
I have been reading my future, and unfortunately you weren't in it! More Submissions Below. I accidently kissed someone today, after 10 minutes I realized …

The Reality Is... Funny 
I wake up with a good attitude everyday. Then idiots happen :-( You all laugh because I am different, I laugh because you are all the same. ♡ Only …

Funny Sayings About Issues 
You have more issues than Vogue. Raisin cookies that look like choc-chip cookies gave me trust issues. Boy to teacher: You think I have issues wait …

Funny Saying About Life :-) 
Life is great! Below are life quotes to inspire: If you are going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill Life is opportunity, benefit from …

Funny Facebook Status 
You think I'm not online. But I'm always here. Even if I'm not posting. I'm here. Scrolling. Judging. Calling someone without texting first is the new …

Funny saying about birth control pills 
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old-woman for most of her life, finally retired. At her next check-up the new doctor told her to bring a list …

Sweet funny thing to say to a friend 
Cute picture included: It is hard to find a friend that is 96 percent funny, 98 percent sexy and 100 percent sweet, so don't loose me. Our friendship …

Funny Saying-Comment 
Heard some funny sayings and comments today that I would like to share: - Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life. - …

Funny Sayings About And For Parents 
Tell your parents its NOT polite to point at other people when they point their finger at you when you have been bad. Until I was thirteen I thought …

Funny fat sayings 
I'm not fat I'm just over-flowing with awesomeness. I'm not fat I'm just swollen. I'm too fat to skinny dip so I chunky dunk. My six-pack is so …

Funny Mom Saying 
Kid: Mom can i have 20 bucks? Mom: What do you think i am made of money? Kid: Isn't that what mom stands for?

Funny Advice For Girls and Daughters About Men 
(Click on the small images to enlarge!) If it is true that girls marry men like their fathers, then it is understandable why so many mothers cry so …

Funny Sayings Parents of Teenagers 
A teenage boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make …

Funny sayings about children being smart 
My husbands says that our children have my brains because he still has his. and here are a few more sayings from kids and teens... I'm not a complete …

Top 20 Short funny sayings about stupid people and stupidity 
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln I'm not fluent in IDIOT, …

a friendly letter to math 
Dear Math, Solve your own darn problems. Kind Regard, Stan Lee

Click here to write your own.

Funny Saying about Life- 
Life is not a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapenos... What you eat today, will burn your ass the day after. Other True and Funny Sayings …

10 Cute Funny True Sayings about "What is love?" 
What is love? Love is: "An electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch." "The most fun you can have without laughing." "Not …

Funny Sayings about Happiness 
There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving... especially when you're giving to yourself. All I ask is the chance to prove that lots …

What life is like funny sayings and quotes to make you smile and think 
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss "Life is an argument you …

Funny 
I dropped my laptop off a boat the other day. It's a Dell, rolling in the deep ;)

Funny Sayings about Problems 
Can't face a problem? Turn around. The main cause of problems is solutions. We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when …

Funny Sayings from Weird People 
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not …

My diet currently... and other funny diet sayings 
My current diet: I am on a seafood diet...I see food and eat it. Other Funny Diet Sayings My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as …

The funniest things you never said 
The funniest things to say that you wished you have said at some point or another: Apology accepted. Trust denied. Pinterest only reminds me how …

Funny Status - Text Abbreviation 
My friend thinks 'Lol' means 'Lots of Love. She texted me saying, "My dog died". Lol." Fun Stuff To Do Says: Here are few other funny answers by …

Funny Sayings for Those born 1930-1979 ( or just after :) who survided 
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while …

FRIEND SAYINGS - THE BEST FRIENDSHIP SAYINGS FOR FRIENDS  
True friends are the ones that glare at you when you push them away, hug you when you need it, and pull you off the bridge when your about to jump. Bad …

FRIEND SAYINGS - FUNNY SAYINGS ABOUT FRIENDS 
Friends are like KNICKERS.... Some crawl up your arse... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little …

Funny Sayings  
Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods. I'm so great I'm jealous of myself. If nobody's perfect, I must be nobody. …

Funny Friendship Sayings and Quotes - For a Friend 
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. The BEST of the rest are friends. A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to …

fuzzy wazzy saying 
Really fast say... Fuzzy wazzy was a bear fuzzy wazzy had no hair fuzzy wazzy wasn't fuzzy was he

Challenge Accepted 
Mom: Tawni, you CAN'T ride your bike all the way to Mexico. Me: Oh yeah, Mom... Challenge Accepted.

Funny Saying 
Just received an email with these cuter than cute funny sayings - you must add them!! Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. …

Funny Sayings About Life 
Laugh about your worries and worry about your laugh lines. Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. Life is …

More Funny Sayings 
Especially for those people that tell us to GROW UP! Many foxes grow grey but few grow good. - Benjamin Franklin Those whom the gods love grow young. …

Guys Are Like Halloween Pumpkins 
Guys remind me of halloween pumpkins. The good ones are always taken and the rest had their heads carved out with a spoon.

Funny sayings about brothers Not rated yet
He's a 29 year old who acts like a five year old; he deserves crappy stuff for Christmas. The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh …

What Math Really Means Not rated yet
MATH, to sum it all up for you, stands for: Mental Abuse Towards Humans. I was great at Math until they decided to mix the alphabet in it. Y must …

Uncontrollable sneezes Not rated yet
Once when I sneezed rapidly 3 times my sister said: "Do you know if you sneeze 3 times in a row, you can make a wish and it will come true?" I replied: …

Family Funny Sayings Not rated yet
First thing you do, check if you boyfriends family tree is a cactus, if it is you will know everybody on it is a prick. Why pay money to have your family …

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Funny saying about life. Not rated yet
You can't undo yesterday but you can work on today. Tomorrow, you can only wonder how you messed up two days in a row. The most important thing in life …

Funny Birth Sayings Not rated yet
You must have been born on a highway. That's where most accidents happen. When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. …

Over the hill and can see the lighter side of life  Not rated yet
Received a few sayings about the lighter side of life today, some are funny, some true and some funny and true. Here goes, enjoy: ~ Money will buy a …

How to deal with annoying questions Not rated yet
Jim: what ya up to Bob: talking to you Jim: except that Bob: on google Jim: searching for what Bob: how to get a loser to stop talking to you Jim: …

Boy talking to his grandad - funny Not rated yet
My mate was sitting with his grandad and was listening to his stories about when he was young. He suddenly turned around and asked his grandad: "What else …

Funny Saying About Issues Not rated yet
Gσt A Problem?...Solνe It! Can't Stand Mε?...Sit Down! Cαn't Face Me?...Wεll Turn Around!

about life Not rated yet
So this friend boasts about his skydiving experience and the other one replies: I've never been skydiving.. but I have zoomed-in on Google Earth really …

Funny sayings about food Not rated yet
I once got a happy meal at McDonald's and then asked them to supersize it! I'm the kind of person who would come out of the gym... and go straight to …

Funny saying about Math Not rated yet
After careful consideration of X: Maybe algebra teachers are really just pirates that's why they want us to find the "X"!!! :o

Funny Debt Not rated yet
My Mom and I share the family home but now the money is getting tight. I jokingly said, "I'll help bring more money in by selling my body".... my Mom quickly …

Funny Saying About Life:-) Not rated yet
Some of these life sayings are true, some reality checks, yet all quite funny: Life is like a batch of cookies. At first you think it is too much, but …

Funny Sayings From and About Stars Not rated yet
Anything is possible. Justin Timberlake proved it by bringing sexy back. Married life is so easy, you only have one woman to satisfy. - Will Smith …

Funny sayings about girls that are full of themselves Not rated yet
I'd deal with your fullness if I didn't just have lunch. ABRACADABRA!! Nope, didn't work, you're still a bitch. Some spend so much time focusing …

Son And Dad Funny Not rated yet
Son: Dad I'm hungry. Dad: Hi hungry. Son: Dad I'm serious. Dad: But I thought you were... Son: Ahhh! Never mind dad! Dad: Hahaha!

FUNNY SAYINGS ABOUT BEING SMART Not rated yet
Are you SMART? Then spell it ...... S-M-A-R-T ....NO YOU SHOULD SPELL THE WORD "IT". Don't eat nuts, if you "are what you eat". Smart people seem …

Marriage Not rated yet
What is the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 min. What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs.

Funny saying about onions Not rated yet
My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry, that was before I accidentally hit him in the face with a watermelon...

Funny things my room mate says Not rated yet
Once, my roommate said "Trying to be a good person is harder than nailing jello to the ceiling" "Its not about what you are but, ehh who cares we are …

a 6-year-old's innocence Not rated yet
Student: "When were you born Mr. Chris?" Teacher: "I was born in 1981." Student: "Oh...So you were born in ancient times." Teacher: Burst out …

Funny sayings about swim wear for the older figure Not rated yet
This is so funny - Mature woman looking for swimwear When I was a child in the 1960s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and …

Rich Seafood Not rated yet
Imagine how lobsters would feel if they knew how expensive they were.

Your PEOPLE just left - A funny thing to say Not rated yet
My friend: OH, MY Gosh. You won't believe what happened. Blah - blah - blah (starts talking about something) and carries on and on. Me: (Interrupts …

Funny Saying about the girls in my school Not rated yet
The skirts the girls wear in my school are shorter than spring break! For more funny sayings go: Here! For funny quips and quotes go: Here! …

2012 - 2013 Comedy - Funny Saying Not rated yet
When its 2013, I'm gonna go to the movies, watch 2012 and tell everyone I survived that!

Funny Sayings Images Not rated yet
Here are some funny sayings in image format, not much more to say have a LOOK, these sayings will touch your heart and stretch you laugh lines. View …

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WOW REALLY Not rated yet
6th Grade Video: and thats the been gay airplane Class: HAHAHA Me: What maybe it just doesn't fly staight!!! Everyone:HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! …

Just Mean! Not rated yet
Mason: How do you spell awkward? Me: A-W-K-W-A-R-D. Q.T: No!It's M-A-S-O-N! Everybody: Haaa Haa Haaa Ha!!

Funny Saying About Caring Not rated yet
"Hear that? .... It's the sound of nobody caring." America's health care system is neither healthy, caring, nor a system. - Walter Cronkite Happiness …

another typical english lesson Not rated yet
I always get voldermort and shakespear mixed up Teacher: what? Ahaha student: You know they are both just dead cool people!

Funny things Not rated yet
Have you ever noticed that we live in a world were pizza gets to ur house before the police?? __________________________________________________ Men …

Right and wrong sayings and funny quotes Not rated yet
I am always right even when I am right about being wrong. To do a great right do a little wrong. All one can do is hope to end up with the right …

JFK funny saying  Not rated yet
When someone says I didn't tell you to do that or something similar, say well no one told the guy that killed JFK to do it but he did!

Eeww Funny Saying Not rated yet
Eeww what's on your neck... my bad it's your head Eeww what's on your face... my bad it's your nose Eeww what's on your hand... my bad it's your fingers …

Funny Saying Instead of Cursing Not rated yet
You're an apple.....haha Reply: You're a pip....haha

The Best Funny Sayings in General Not rated yet
When I die I want to go peacefully, like my grandfather did in his sleep. Not like the screaming passengers in his car. Do not argue with an idiot. …

I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in? - Funny Saying Not rated yet
I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in? FUNNY SAYINGS FOR THOSE BORN BETWEEN 1930-1979 FUNNY FRIENDSHIP SAYINGS FOR FRIENDS …

Funny Sayings for your Parents Not rated yet
My parents accused me of lying to them: I screamed at them "santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny" and walked off like the boss

Annoyingly Funny Sayings Not rated yet
hey apple, apple... apple... apple...........APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he said what). You look fruity hahahahahahahahahahaha. …

No Answer Not rated yet
I call my parents and they dont answer, and they call me i dont answer and then all of the sudden it's like World War 3.

Funny things to do at Walmart Not rated yet
Try this. Go to Walmart. Go to the toy section. Take a Dora doll. Put it on the floor in the middle of the aisle. Then go hide. When someone tries to pick …

Funny FUN sayings on Facebook Not rated yet
A life journey of fun will provide you with laugh lines only, no matter how grim life become. When the tough is on, we all head to FUN STUFF TO DO …

Funny Saying About Facebook Not rated yet
Facebook is like jail. We are friends with people we don't know, we get poked by strangers, we waste time, and write on walls. You post all your drama …

lezbians Not rated yet
If lezbians dislike men so much why do they try so bloody hard to look like truck drivers?

The Ball - Funny Saying and Other Quotes Not rated yet
I kept wondering why the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me! Other Funny Sayings and Quotes: No matter where you go – You’re always there! …

I'm A Bandit! Not rated yet
With my hood on and whispering to myself while staring at the floor, "I'm a bandit, and I'm gonna steal all your stuff!!" My boyfriend, Tyler, "You …

Womdingle? Not rated yet
Me: Hey, what's a Womdingle? Friend: Wait, what? Me: You know, a Womdingle... Friend: Where the heck did you hear that from? Me: I don't know... maybe …

GIRLS AND FOOTBALL Not rated yet
WHEN A FOOTBALL TEAM IS CALLED "THE NUGGETS" DOES THAT MEAN THAT THEIR MASCOTT IS A CHICKEN?

LOL - Funny Saying Not rated yet
Guy breaks girls heart. Girl breaks guys PS3. Who cries more?

Friendly Old Fart - Saying - Poem - Disaster - Royal Blunder - Its FUNNY Not rated yet
A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas. A fart can be quiet, A fart can …

Man Not rated yet
A Man is known by the Company he can or can't keep.