My Top 10 Finest Insults and Comebacks.... I wish I never uttered

by The Fun Team

Sometimes people push you so far that the road less traveled is done 200 m/h through your mouth with some human holding on for dear life.

I am NOT proud of this right. Maybe just a little. I am quiet sharp under pressure when thrown with a roast!

Oh, and please comment if you make it to the end and tell me what your best “fit thrower comebacks” are.

Leave now if you are sensitive or are under aged and without parental guidance.

Here goes, my best insults and comebacks, I will never use again:

• Let’s play horse, I’ll be the front end and you be yourself.

• You are as useful as the wings on a motorbike.

• My therapist knows about you.

• Oh the places you will go in life! Hope you stay there.

• Our kid got his brain from you! I still have mine.

• I am busy right now; can I try to ignore you another time?

• I do not understand you. I do not speak assholion.

• Better grab my dumbrella and run it is getting stupid out here.

• You sound better with your mouth closed.

• Keep rolling your eyes like that, maybe you will find your brain back there.


And a few more…

• Your kid is so annoying he can make a Happy Meal angry.

• Your face looks fine, but we will have to put a bag over that personality.

• You are the human version of a period cramp.

• Love your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils curly like that?

• My silence means your level of stupidity renders me speechless.

• You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?

• You are the reason this country puts instructions on shampoo.

• Your family tree must be a cactus because you are all a bunch of pricks.

• You remind me of a penny, two-faced and not worth much.

• Those penis enlargement pills must be working — you are twice the dick you were yesterday.

• Your secrets are always safe with me. I do not even listen when you start.

• I am so jealous of all the people that have NOT met you.

• You are so fake, even China will deny they made you.

• Since you know it all, you should know when to shut up.

• You look like a ‘before’ picture.

• Eat make-up, try to be pretty on the inside.

• So, a lot of guys are after you? Keep in mind low prices attract a lot of customers.

• You talk so much shit I do not know if I should offer a breath mint or toilet paper.

• Can you spot the “f y” in my smile?

• Your teeth could be whiter.

• I am not a proctologist, but I know an a-hole when I see one.

• I have been called worse things by better men.

• Almost done with all this drama? I need an intermission!

• Oh, I am sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

• I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.

• Boss asked, ‘Can I ask a stupid question?’ My reply? ‘Better than anybody here.’

• If men agree with you, you said something stupid.

• If you ran like your mouth does, you would be in seriously good shape. (me to me, grin)


Right there you have it, remember snarky remarks and insults are (almost) never a good idea! Unless it is a game played between friends or unless you want to lose the person’s respect. Most times an insult say more about you than about the receiver, especially if you try to publicly humiliate someone (politicians take note).

Most times it will be better to not respond to fiery remarks, it is not a sign of weakness, it makes the attacker look stupid. Yes, I know, sometimes you just cannot keep that beautiful mouth shut any longer when someone constantly rides your nerves as if the surf is up!!

Stay SHARP! 😊