Funny Quips
Wickedly Witty
Wording & Remarks

So what is a Quip? It is a witty or funny saying or remark.
So what are Funny Quips? For some a reason to laugh for others advice!

Looking for laughs, a little humor, great opening lines, speaking material or just fun for family or friends to laugh about? Funny Quips provide hours of entertainment!
Have a speech coming up? Nothing makes a bold statement or leaves a lasting impression like a good quip or some fun sayings!

Fun Stuff we do: On cold winter nights when no one feels like leaving home we gather around the fireplace with our favorite drinks, snacks and cuddle blankies and then we share a lot of laughs with funny quips and quotes!

Below are some of our favorite funny quips!

FAVORITE FUNNY QUIPS

Ability - Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Ability (Executive) - The art of getting credit for all the hard work that somebody else does
Accidents - Most accidents occur in the home. Many men use this as an excuse to stay out late.
Accident (Golf) - Man blames most accidents on fate but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on golf course.
Achievement - You can't make a place for yourself under the sun if you keep sitting in the shade of the family tree.
Achievement - Do something. Either lead, follow or get out of the way!
Achievement - A mistake is proof that someone was at least trying to accomplish something.
Action - Actions speak louder than words, with fewer lies and not so often!
Action - The thing to try when all else fails is Again.
Action - A man ordinarily has the time to do all the things he really wants to do.
Action - Too many of us shoot blanks when aiming at our goals!
Adolescence - When children start bringing up their parents.
Adolescence - A time of rapid change. Between the age of 12 and 17 a child may see his parents age 20 years!
Adversity - The only diet that will reduce a fat head.
Advertising - If you listen to loan company commercials, you almost believe you can borrow yourself out of debt!
Advice - Too many people give advice when what you really need is help.
Advice - "Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to some people.
Advice - Most of us find it impossible to take advice from people who need it more than we do!
Advice - Giving advice to the poor is as close to charity as some people get!
Advice - Marriage is the most expensive way to get advice for nothing.
Advice (Free) - The best things in life are free and so is the worst advice!
Age - A man is usually as young as he feels but selfdom as important.
Age - By the time a man finds greener pastures, he's too old to climb the fence!
Age - Has nothing to do with learning new ways to be stupid!
Agreement - The man who always agrees with you lies to others also.
Agreement - When two men in business always agree about everything, one of them is unnecessary!
Agreement - Divorce is something couples agree on when they can't agree on anything else.
Alarm clocks - The trouble with alarm clock's are that they always make a noise when you are asleep! (My personal favorite of all the funny quips!)
Alarm Clocks - The latest alarm clocks for teens does not ring - it applauds!
Alcoholics - Their favorite drink is the next one!
Alcoholics - Are not people who drink too much but ones that can't drink enough!
Ambition - Don't wait for your ship to come in if you haven't sent one out.
Ambition - The rewards for ambition in most countries are High Taxes!
Anger - People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Anger - The size of a man is measured by the size of the thing that makes him angry (oh kids love this one - "you are tiny dad!")
Anger - Every time you give someone a piece of your mind you make your head a little emptier!
Animals - If you like to see something with a mouth open that's not complaining - get a goldfish! (Or a Funny Quips Book!)
Animals - Give someone the gift that keeps on giving - a Rabbit.
Animals - If you cross a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker you get a bird that carries messages and knocks on doors!
Antiques - Things would be a lot nicer if antique people were valued as much as antique furniture!
Antique - A magic word that makes something old and useless suddenly priceless.
Appearance - Some girls are so homely they can sue their parents for damages!
Appearance - A few Christians give the impression they have been baptized in vinegar.
Appearance - The secret to looking young is being young!
Appreciation - You must speak up to be heard but sometimes you must shut up to be appreciated.
Appreciation - A single rose for the living is better than a costly wreath at the grave!
Appreciation - If you want to really appreciate what an enormous job it is to clean up the environment, start cleaning out your garage!
Appreciation - Some wives appreciate their husbands most while they are away at work!
Arguments - Sometimes when you are arguing with a fool, he's doing the same thing!
Arguments - People who know the least always argues the most.
Arguments - One thing a man learns from an argument with a woman is to be a good loser.
Arguments - You know you are incompatible with someone when you can't even agree on what to argue about!
Atheist - The worst possible moment for an atheist is when he feels grateful and has no one to thank.
Atheist - What do atheists do with their money? Surely they don't carry anything around that says, "In God we Trust"!
Attention - Pay attention to what a man is, not what he has been.
Attention - To get your kids attention, stand in front of the TV.
Attention - When a child pays attention to what his parents say, they are probably whispering!
Attention - The quickest way to get a lot of individual attention is to make a big mistake.
Authority - Give authority to some people and they grow; give it to others and they swell.
Authority - The time to teach obedience to authority is in the playpen instead of the State pen!
Autobiography - An autobiography is a book that reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.
Automobiles - Car sickness is that feeling you get every month when the payment is due.
Automobiles - The most dangerous thing about a vehicle is one nut - the one behind the steering wheel!

These Funny Quips are from one of my favorite books:
Read about it here: 14 000 Quips and Quotes by E.C. McKenzie

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Coming soon...

Funny Quips Chapter 3

Funny Quotes

Other Fun Sayings

The 3 Golden Rules