The Funny Question is:
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD OR AGEING?
You know you are Old or Ageing when:
- You have less hair in more places than one.
- You have owned a record player.
- HIV didn't exist when you were young.
- Cold drink bottles were made from glass when you were a kid.
- You owned a black and white TV set with 1 channel.
- You remember the days when you had to wait for someone to come home to talk to them - no cellular phones!
- You remember when Jordache Jeans were cool.
- You still think about Jaws when you swim.
- You recognise the Dallas theme song... Tata Tata Tatararara tatarara tararaaa and know who shot J.R.
- You know how to use a typewriter.
- You are definitely old or ageing if you think 60's, 70's music were the best.
- You know what milk coupons are.
- You remember when you collected your milk at your frontdoor.
- You think you still get 2 Chappies for 1 cent.
- You complain the music is too loud and the TV not loud enough.
- Your driving speed decrease and your complaints increase yearly.
- You are totally amazed by the softness and firmness of younger skin.
- You need a maintenace plan for all your maintenance problems.
- Definitely old or ageing if you walk you creak and when you talk you squeak.
- You get tired brushing your teeth.
- You start yawning at 20:00 and wake up at 03:00.
- You regret that time when you dumped the last 30-something year old that was interested in you.
- You approach middle age for the second or third time.
- Your get-up and go turned to got-up and gone.
- For sure old or ageing if you can't remember when you were born because you were too young.
- You enjoy watching the washer and dryer in action.
- Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you're barefoot.
- You visit your favorite Antiques Store and someone tries to buy you. That IS old or ageing!!
- People don't ask what color your hair use to be, they ask if you ever had hair.
- You have so many candles on your birthday cake that the guests collapse from heat exhaustion.
- When you were a kid rainbows were black and white. That's just plain ancient!
- You have so many candles on your birthday cake that it is a fire hazard.
- You are getting a little action today - but that means the fiber is working.
- You think "getting lucky" means finding your car in the parking lot. Very old or ageing, shouldn't be driving!
- You think an "all-nighter" is not having to get up to wee.
- You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
- If you were to act your age, you'd die.
- You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
- Everything either dries up or leaks.
- Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.
- You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.
- You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.
- You can live without loving but not without your glasses.
- You chase your husbands secretary around the table but you can't remember why.
- Your toupee is turning grey.
- Your birth-certificate expired.
- Your skin feels more like your wife's soft leather handbag than skin.
- Fourty-Five (45) sounds like an exciting age!
Never say...Die
Walt disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation
There are no conclusive evidence about what happens to Old or Ageing skeptics, but their futures are doubtful.
Old yachtsmen never die, they just keel over
Old x-ray techs never die, they just barium
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip
Old wool coats never die, they just become mothballed
Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged
Old weathermen never die, they reign forever
Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down
Old watchmakers never die, they just run out of time
Old wants never die, they become needs
Old voicemail systems never die, they just stop answering
Old violinists never die, they just become unstrung
Old vintners never die, they just ferment away
Old vacationers never die, they just don't come back
Old usenetters never die, they just become unresponsive
Old undertakers never die, they just vault away
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification
Old or ageing tv soap stars never die, they become pathetic
Old tv shows never die, they just get rerun on nickelodeon
Old truck drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt
Old trombonists never die, they just slide away
Old trigonometry teachers never die, they just lose their identities
Old or ageing trash never dies, they just bury it
Old tire tubes never die, they just get punctured
Old thermodynamicists never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy
Old telephones never die, they just stop ringing
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class
Old tape dispensers never die, they just get used up
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
Old system users never die, they just chdir to null
Old swimmers never die, they just kick-off
Old swimmers never die, they just have a stroke
Old swimmers never die, they just fall off their blocks
Old surfers never die, they just get wiped out
Old surfers never die, they just get board
Old or ageing students never die, they just get degraded.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old statisticians never die, they just get broken down by age and sex
Old spelunkers (cave explorers) never die, they just cave in
Old sourdoughs never die, they just ferment away
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old soccer players never die, they just lose their kick
Old soccer players never die, they just achieve their final goal
Old or ageing skiers never die, they just go over the hill
Old or ageing skiers never die, but they go downhill fast
Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings
Old shoemakers never die, they just lose their sole
Old sheetrockers never die, they just hang around
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old seamstresses never die, they just come to the point
Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
Old Scots never die, but they can be kilt
Old scientists never die, they just gravitate
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old sanders never die, they just lose their grit
Old salesmen never die, they just go out of commission
Old sailors never die, they just lose their porpoise
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old rain puddles never die, they just dry up
Old railroaders never die, they just derail
Old radios never die, they just stop receiving
Old radio operators never die, they just lose their power
Old quilters never die, they just go under cover
Old quilters never die, they just go to pieces
Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
Old quarterbacks never die, they just fade back and pass away
Old psychiatrists never die, they just shrink away
Old propane tanks never die, they just run out of gas
Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
Old programmers never die, they just recurse
Old programmers never die, they just lose their memory
Old programmers never die, they just go to bits
Old programmers never die, they just get bugged with life
Old programmers never die, they just decompile
Old programmers never die, they just byte it
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
Old procrastinators never die, they just keep putting it off
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....
Old preachers never die, they just lose their wind.
Old postal carriers never die, they just lose their zip
Old politicians never die, they just lose their hot air
Old policemen never die, they just lose their beat
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain
Old plumbers never die, that is why they smell that way
Old plastic never dies, they just recycle it
Old planets never die, they just lose their attraction
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old pilots never die, they just buzz off
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old photographers never die, they get sent to the Old focus home
Old philosophers never die, they just kant
Old penguins never die, they just get hard of herring
Old pc's never die, they just cache in their chips
Old paradoxes never die, they just become enigmas
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old optomestrists never die, they just speculate
Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
Old nuclear power plants never die, they just go off-line
Old musicians never die, they just go from bar to bar
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose
Old ministers never die, they just go out to pastor
Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
Old meteors never die, they just burn up
Old mercenaries never die, they just go to hell to regroup
Old mercenaries never die, they find someone else to take their place
Old mediums never die, they are just visiting their friends
Old mechanics never die, they just misplace their tools
Old mechanics never die, they just lose their bearings
Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some functions
Old mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old math teachers never die, they just reduce to lowest terms
Old magicians never die, they just change color
Old magicians never die, they just make a big production of it
Old magicians never die, they just float away
Old magicians never die, they just disappear
Old linguists never die, they just rearrange their deep structures
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old light bulbs never die, they just de-light
Old light bulbs never die, they just blink out
Old or ageing librarians never die, they just lose their references
Old librarians never die, they just get re-shelved
Old librarians never die, they just check out
Old librarians never die, their computers have fatal errors
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their briefs
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old kleptomaniacs never die, they just steal away
Old kids never die, they just grow up
Old kids never die, they just adulterate
Old key punch operators never die, they just punch out
Old kayakers never die, they just roll back over, and do it again
Old or ageing journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old jockeys never die, they just go horse
Old Italians never die, they just pasta away.
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
Old interpreters (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off
Old immortals [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't
Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
Old or ageing hypochondriacs never die, they just imagine it
Old hunters never die, they just stay loaded
Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
Old homebrewers never die, they just ferment away
Old hockey players never die, they just achieve their final goal
Old or ageing hippies never die, they just smell that way.
Old hikers never die, they just trail away
Old helsinki tourists never die, they just vanish into finn air
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old hams never die, they just get grounded
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old gymnasts never die, they just take longer to mount
Old graphic artists never die, they just de-rez
Old grammarians never die, they fall into a comma
Old gossip or ageing columnists never die, they just lose their sense of rumor.
Old or ageing goodyear workers never die, they just retire.
Old or ageing golfers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls
Old golfers never die, they just keep putting along
Old ghost towns never die, they become desolate
Old geologists never die, they just recrystalize
Old geologists never die, they just petrify
Old genealogists never die, they just degenerate
Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
Old or ageing fruit never die, it just pear-ishes
Old frogs never die, they just croak
Old fridge repairmen never die, they just blow their cool
Old foresters never die, they just pine away
Old football players never die, they just kick the bucket
Old football players never die, they just kick off
Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone
Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way
Old or ageing fishermen never die, they just get reel tired
Old fishermen never die, their rods just go limp
Old fireflies never die, they just find that they can't glow on
Old fighters never die, they just lose their punch
Old fathers never die, they just become grandfathers
Old farmers never die, they just spade away
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old exorcists never die, they just give up the ghost
Old eskimos never die, they just go cold
Old environmentalists never die, they are just recycled
Old english teachers never die, they just complete their sentences
Old engineers never die, they just lose their bearings
Old energizer bunnies never die, they go on, and on, and on...
Old electricians never die, they just lose their charge
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old electricians never die, they just do it until it hertz
Old electrical engineers never die, they just have slower rise times
Old editors never die, they just go out of print
Old drywallers never die, they just hang around
Old drivers never die, they just blow a gasket.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old divers never die, they just lose their spring
Old divers never die, they just get board
Old divers never die, they just flop
Old divers never die, they just extend their bottom time
Old dieters never die, they just waist away
Old dentists never die, they just lose their pull
Old dentists never die, they just look down in the mouth
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
Old dancers never die, they just step away
Old cricketers never die, they just get smashed for six
Old cricketers never die, they just get bowled over
Old credit cards never die, they just expire
Old couriers never die, they just keep on expressing it
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old computer programmers never die, they just lose it bit by bit
Old computer programmers never die, they just decompile.
Old computer programmers never die, they just byte the dust
Old computer programmers never die, their computers have fatal errors
Old computer people never die, they just lose their memory
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old chiropractors never die, they adjust.
Old chemists never die, they just smell that way
Old chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium
Old chemists never die, they just lose their refluxes
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old chemists never die, they just do it inorganically
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old cars never die, they just get run into the ground
Old card players never die, they just lose their tricks
Old canners never die, they are preserved
Old butchers never die, they just meat somewhere else
Old businesses never die, they just get consolidated
Old burglars never die, they just steal away
Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away
Old budgets never die, they are fillibustered
Old bridge players never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
Old bridge players never die, they just lose their finesse
Old brickmasons never die, they just get mortarfied.
Old bricklayers never die, they're just too busy making a kiln
Old bricklayers never die, they just throw in the trowel.
Old brakes never die, they just grind down
Old bowlers never die, they just end up in the gutter
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old books never die, they just go out-of-print
Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
Old bond investors never die, they just yield to maturity
Old or ageing blondes never fade, they just dye away
Old or ageing blondes never die, they just blank out
Old biologists never die, they just ferment away
Old or ageing bikers never die, but they're hard on tires
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap
Old baseball players never die, they just go batty
Old barbers never die, they just become Old cut-ups.
Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old bakers never die, they just lose their dough
Old atoms never die, they just decay
Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world
Old assets never die, they just depreciate
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old anthropologists never die, they just become history
Old anesthesiologists never die, they just run out of gas
Old alcoholics/drug addicts never die, they just get wasted
Old actors never die, they just drop a part
Old accounts never die, they are deleted
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance
Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties
I'm sure anyone can add to this, we'll all get there...die, old or ageing ... or know someone who has!
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